Hello Wilson High School, the future of Tacoma, and welcome to Career Day 2021! I am your first Career Day speaker, Mr. Larry Johnson, and I’m here to talk to you about your exciting future. I know that most of you don’t know and aren’t even concerned about what you’ll be doing when you graduate.Continue reading “Postmodern Career Day”
Author Archives: Eric Sporer
Top 10 Worst Accidents in Baseball History
10- Tony Gwynn pulls every muscle in his body trying to get a Cheeto from under his couch 9- The Philly Phanatic has sex with the devil, giving birth to Flyers mascot Gritty 8- First baseman Larry Met gets hit in the head with line drive, nuclear radiation, simultaneously 7- In a case of mistakenContinue reading “Top 10 Worst Accidents in Baseball History”
A Quarantine Home Whiskey Tasting
Being stuck at home on quarantine, I haven’t been able to hang out with friends or go to my usual bar. Luckily, the bar set up one of those at home tastings, where they send you five little samples of scotch to try and write down your notes. Here are my notes from the tasting.Continue reading “A Quarantine Home Whiskey Tasting”
Top 10 Hurricane Survival Kit Items
10- Life raft made of D-batteries 9- Can of beans of blankets 8- “I hate hurricanes” novelty t-shirt 7-Time machine to go back and prevent the hurricane from ever being born 6- Bathtub full of puppies to “re-pup-ulate” society 5- Hurricane repellant 4- Dog in a dress 3- “Hurricane-size” bottle of lube 2- 3 dayContinue reading “Top 10 Hurricane Survival Kit Items”
Bee Movie
A Moron Philosopher Espouses on Covid
Covid, you have shaped our lives, nay, our world, for these past thirtyfour nights. Thirty fortnights I mean, damnit! Covid, you have shaped our world for these past thirty fortnights. Man, woman and child-person all tremble in fear of you. You make us wear masks, but yet you reveal so much about us. Our fears,Continue reading “A Moron Philosopher Espouses on Covid”
The Terrible Twos Continued
Everybody knows about the terrible twos because of the catchy name, but parenting a child of any age is difficult! To bring greater awareness to the problems that parents of children of other ages face, I bring forward the following suggestions that reflect age related difficulties: The horrible threes The fucked up fours The why me fivesContinue reading “The Terrible Twos Continued”
Bully Boss
My whole life I was told that being a bully would get me nowhere. That I’d never amount to anything. That my lifestyle of giving swirlies and stealing lunch money would lead to nothing but juvie. Well, I’ve proven them all wrong. I noogied my way to the top and now I’m the boss here. First off, there areContinue reading “Bully Boss”
(B)ombshell
Lazy Susan Spinoffs
Most people are familiar with the Lazy Susan, that little turntable for spinning food and household goods around. Upon its introduction, there were plenty of companies that tried to ride the wave of success of home goods named after people and their traits. While none were as successful as the Lazy Susan, here were someContinue reading “Lazy Susan Spinoffs”
A Man Eating Chicken 