Eric Sporer

The Birds and The Bees (The Adult Version)

Top 10 Office Accomplishments

10- The Cycle: Steal a stapler, a blank CD, a ream of paper and a coworker’s lunch 9- The Threepeat: Work in an office with three guys named Pete; congrats, you did it! 8- The Perfect Shirk: Go an entire week without doing anything or being fired 7- The Alley-oop: Pass out in an alley insteadContinue reading “Top 10 Office Accomplishments”

Keep Your Head Down and Your Stinger Forward

Top 10 Lies to Put on Your Resume

10- Invented the resume 9- References are all unavailable because they were all on that one big boat that sank and they made a movie about 8- Already have the position that you are applying for 7- Was given the key to McDonaldland for finally catching the Hamburglar 6- Can write SQL code 5- Have aContinue reading “Top 10 Lies to Put on Your Resume”

I Understand Why You Are So Upset, but the Real Victim of These Anti-Racism Protests Is Me, Zomgor: the Eater of Souls

I fully understand the history of slavery and black people in the United States. I can see the blight of police brutality and racial oppression that goes on to this day in America. I have no doubt that your current justice system is just a continuation of slavery, under the guise of law and order.Continue reading “I Understand Why You Are So Upset, but the Real Victim of These Anti-Racism Protests Is Me, Zomgor: the Eater of Souls”

Top 10 Signs You Are a Deadbeat

10- Only willing to walk downhill 9- You have crippling student loan debt, because you are a kindergarten teacher who took out loans from your students 8- Refuse to use words over 2 syllables 7- Only pet is a pet pillow 6- Dream job is also pillow 5- Had to stop to catch breath whileContinue reading “Top 10 Signs You Are a Deadbeat”

Project TRUTH

People are always telling you to be a good citizen. They always say that you should pay your taxes and vote and check the expiration date of your milk when you buy it. But what they don’t tell you about is howler monkeys. Did you know that howler monkeys are the largest New World monkeys?Continue reading “Project TRUTH”

Top 10 Things People Are Asking For

10- A little extra ham on that sandwich 9- Some god damn peace and quiet and money 8- World peace or, barring that, pie piece 7- Godzilla vs. Kong vs. Tyson 6- A little recognition is all 5- A magic beer where you can drink the whole beer and it fills up with more beerContinue reading “Top 10 Things People Are Asking For”

#BeeToo

Top 10 July 4th Traditions

10- Hot dog eating contest followed by heart attack having contest 9- Reenacting the Boston Tea Party by writing tea on a bottle of whiskey, Boston Harbor on face 8- Movie marathon consisting of 1776, Stars and Stripes Forever, and 8 hours of porn 7- Badmouthing the Queen (that bitch…) 6- Dropping enough acid toContinue reading “Top 10 July 4th Traditions”