Eric Sporer

I, a Senile Old Man, Yearn for the Simpler Times of My Horrible and Confusing Childhood

It’s hard to know what you can trust anymore. There’s the news, but now there’s also the fake news. The same thing can happen and, depending on which TV channel or homeless person you get your news from, you’ll get a different version. When I was a boy, there was only one channel; its nameContinue reading “I, a Senile Old Man, Yearn for the Simpler Times of My Horrible and Confusing Childhood”

Living the Dream (1990)

“Wake up son, it’s time for space camp,” says your dad. “Are we rich now?” you ask. “No,” he says, “we’ve always been rich, we are old money. We’ve just kept it a secret until now. Now come downstairs and eat your pizza rolls.” You have so many questions. Is space camp going to beContinue reading “Living the Dream (1990)”

Top 10 Reasons That We Should Be Sad When Macauly Culkin Dies at the End of My Girl Even Though He Provoked the Bees

10- Because they left him home alone 9- Because the movie was written by humans and not bees 8- Just beecause 7- Because emotional humans think with their hearts and not their stingers 6- Because it’s relatable since we’ve all attacked our fair share of beehives 5- Because it’s normal for kids to misbehive 4-Continue reading “Top 10 Reasons That We Should Be Sad When Macauly Culkin Dies at the End of My Girl Even Though He Provoked the Bees”

The Buns and the Bees

Top 10 Totally Acceptable Alternatives to $1,400 Stimulus Checks

Those clowns in congress can’t agree on the terms of the next stimulus check; some of them say it’s too much, some say it’s not enough. What a bunch of clowns! Here are ten suggestions that should make them and the American people happy: 10- Oversized $700 stimulus checks: Even though this would save $700 per person,Continue reading “Top 10 Totally Acceptable Alternatives to $1,400 Stimulus Checks”

What Rabbits Want

I, Charles “Chaz” Fitzpatrick, Request You Change the Name of Your Autonomous Zone

Dear Anarchists, For the last 31 years, I, Charles Fitzpatrick, have been known to all by the name “Chaz”. It is on my marriage certificate, my diploma, hell I even somehow got them to put it on my CPA license. Some people probably think it’s my birth name by now. In fact, I can’t rememberContinue reading “I, Charles “Chaz” Fitzpatrick, Request You Change the Name of Your Autonomous Zone”