A Quarantine Home Whiskey Tasting

Being stuck at home on quarantine, I haven’t been able to hang out with friends or go to my usual bar. Luckily, the bar set up one of those at home tastings, where they send you five little samples of scotch to try and write down your notes. Here are my notes from the tasting.

Glenlivet 12 year old:
Appearance: It looks like yellow or brown or something. It’s a liquid. It is definitely a yellowish-brownish liquid.
Nose: Strong hints of whiskey on the nose. They weren’t fooling.
Flavor: Extreme “whiskeyness”, with a faint taste of a father’s disappointment and neglect. The provided tasting notes say vanilla and oak, but I’m just getting whiskey and sad associations from my childhood.
Finish: I don’t understand what this category is for. I’m just putting “yes”, because I finished it. Go me!
Score: 4/10

Macallan 15 year old:
Appearance: This is looks the last one, it’s like a yellowish-brownish liquid. I think that’s how all whiskey looks.
Nose: This one smells like whiskey, too, but this time with a grassy scent. Did I mention I’m doing this out in the yard so I don’t wake the kids?
Flavor: This tastes like the night I lost my virginity. And the first time I went to jail. Man that was some night.
Finish: I just found the instructions and it looks like this is how it tastes after you drink it. Mainly boozy, with some burning.
Score: 4/10

Bunnahabhain 12 year old:
Appearance: This time it was a green cube! Just kidding, it looks like the other ones.
Nose: I think peaty? What is peat? I knew a guy named Pete in high school and he smelled real bad. This smells pretty rough, too, so we’ll go with peaty.
Flavor: Tastes completely unpronounceable. I’ve double checked to see if I’m just too drunk to read, but I think I’m not.
Finish: This had a finish like the last one. I may have honestly switched the glasses and taken another sip of Macallan again, I’m not sure.
Score: 6/10

Diet Coke (I needed a break, I was starting to get tipsy):
Appearance: This looks like a black bubbly concoction. It doesn’t look like it’s made for human consumption, but I know it is because they sold it in the grocery store and there’s nutritional information on the bottle.
Nose: I think there’s some canceriness on the nose, but that could just be flavor chemicals or the bubbles.
Flavor: This tastes much better than the whiskies. This has strong notes of actual enjoyment and no burning or booziness.
Finish: Kind of weird. It’s like metallic kind of, but I really, really want some more. I feel like I actually need it. I spent $75 on the whiskey, though, so I’m going back to that.
Score: 9/10

Bowmore Old:
Appearance: It “appears” as if I’m pretty drunk, lol
Nose: I knows I’m gonna drink this bad boy up, LOL!
Flavor: The provided tasting notes say “chewy”, I think that might be notes for something else. Maybe a jerky tasting? Or gum? I reused the glass from the diet coke and this one tastes a little better than the last few.
Finish: It tastes the same after I drank it as when I drank it. Is it supposed to be different?
Score: 6/10

Daughter’s Birthday Cake (All this booze has given me the munchies, and the only thing we’ve got in the fridge that doesn’t need to be cooked is this cake):
Appearance: Pink unicorn-ish, rainbow notes
Nose: Extreme sweetness on the nose
Flavor: Taste is just sugar. Is this a block of sugar? Kids shouldn’t be eating this. I’m taking a second piece.
Finish: The finish is slight guilt, overshadowed by the feeling that I provide for this family and bought the god damn cake, so I can eat it if I want.
Score: 8/10

Jura 10 year old
Appearance: This one appears slightly blurrier than the last four whiskeys.
Nose: Somehow it smells blurrier, too
Flavor: I think they usually save the best for last on these, right? I think that’s right, so I’m going to say that this taste better than the other whiskies, but not as good as the cake or the Diet Coke.
Finish: I’m done now right?
Score: 7/10

Bud Light (Man I’m feeling it now, gotta keep riding the wave):
Appearance: This comes in an American flag bottle. You can’t see what’s inside of it, but the bottle is awesome.
Nose: Smells like freedom.
Flavor: Compared to all that whiskey, this tastes like drinking air.
Finish: AMERICA!
Score: 11/10

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