Hello Mr. or Mrs. Hitler. As a Hitler, I’m sure you have experienced shame and social stigma around your last name. Many Hitlers have become recluses, avoiding all social contact. Well, suffer no more! With our handy dandy users guide to your last name, you will be proud of your name (not too proud, though).Continue reading “So Your Last Name is Hitler: Tips and Strategies for Navigating Introductions and Other Awkward Situations”
Author Archives: Eric Sporer
“Oh, So Now You Guys Care About Balloons?” An Op-Ed by the Snoopy Balloon
Hey guys, it’s me, the Snoopy balloon from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. You know, the national treasure? The guy who’s been the symbol of national unity on one of our most special holidays for the past 56 years? I hope you remember me, after all, it’s been a couple of months since Thanksgiving. UsuallyContinue reading ““Oh, So Now You Guys Care About Balloons?” An Op-Ed by the Snoopy Balloon”
Game Night
Friend 1: Hey, let’s play Taboo Friend 2: Ok Friend 1: Do you know how to play? Friend 2: Yeah, I know how Taboo works Friend 1: Ok, you can be the first guesser then, I’ll do the clues Friend 2: Ok, and go! Friend 1: It’s a type of party Friend 2: Fucking aContinue reading “Game Night”
The Computer is Acting Funny
Please enter your password TacomaDad1984 Please include a special character Tacoma’sBestDad1984 Please make your password more accurate MiddleO’theRoadDad1984 You are not the real father, please make it more accurate again SadSurprise2022 You forgot the punctaction, dummy SadSurprise2022:-( You realize that in a week you are going to need to remember that you made this lastContinue reading “The Computer is Acting Funny”
Top Ten Godzilla Movie Flops
10- Godzilla vs Slothra 9- Free Zillie (which is exactly what it sounds like) 8- Godzilla vs Godzilla (lizard-monster psychological thriller) 7- Godzilla Does Dallas 6- Codzilla King of the Monsters and Fish 5- City of Godzilla 4- Are you there Godzilla? It’s me Margaret: the Movie 3- Godzilla: Mall Cop 2- Godzilla vs. SmallContinue reading “Top Ten Godzilla Movie Flops”
A Series of Retractions by the Tacoma Post
Retraction We would like to retract the statement on November 12th, 2022, that the Tacoma City Treasurer misappropriated public funds. Retraction We would like to retract the retraction printed directly above this. Upon further consideration, it wasn’t that big a deal. Who cares, right? Maybe they did do some funny business Retraction Just yesterday, our competingContinue reading “A Series of Retractions by the Tacoma Post”
A Tough Pill to Swallow
Remembering to take your birth control pill every day can be hard, but it’s essential if you want to maintain consistent contraceptive protection. When pills are taken off-schedule, your risk of an unplanned pregnancy increases. That said, sometimes mistakes happen and a pill is forgotten or a pack is started late. The following instructions willContinue reading “A Tough Pill to Swallow”
Top 10 Worst Ways to Answer the Interview Question “Where do you see yourself in 10 years”
10- Space cave, and no I won’t elaborate 9- In the past… ooh what a mindfuck! 8- Still interviewing for this job if you’re going to keep talking to me for goddam ever 7- Still bitching about the Seahawks offense every Monday, amirite?! 6- Blowjob City! Don’t worry, it’s not what it sounds like. I’mContinue reading “Top 10 Worst Ways to Answer the Interview Question “Where do you see yourself in 10 years””
We Are the Meek and, No Thanks, We Don’t Want to Inherit the Earth
Hello, I am Terry “Pizza Face” Jones, and I have been nominated to be the spokesman for the meek. You know: the docile, the submissive, the wedgied masses. For thousands of years we have been told that we will someday inherit the Earth. We were recently alerted that the day has finally come and weContinue reading “We Are the Meek and, No Thanks, We Don’t Want to Inherit the Earth”
Guns Don’t Kill People, the Boundary Conditions of the Universe Kill People
Inevitably, after every mass shooting in America there’s the same public outcry: it’s time to ban guns. To those who say that, I respond: the gun didn’t shoot itself. There are many out there who agree with this sentiment, and many of them say that it’s an issue of training responsible gun owners and dealingContinue reading “Guns Don’t Kill People, the Boundary Conditions of the Universe Kill People”
A Man Eating Chicken 