Category Archives: Short Pieces

I fully understand the history of slavery and black people in the United States. I can see the blight of police brutality and racial oppression that goes on to this day in America. I have no doubt that your current justice system is just a continuation of slavery, under the guise of law and order.Continue reading “I Understand Why You Are So Upset, but the Real Victim of These Anti-Racism Protests Is Me, Zomgor: the Eater of Souls”

People are always telling you to be a good citizen. They always say that you should pay your taxes and vote and check the expiration date of your milk when you buy it. But what they don’t tell you about is howler monkeys. Did you know that howler monkeys are the largest New World monkeys?Continue reading “Project TRUTH”

So what’s up with Covid? First it’s not a big deal, then it’s really big deal, and now it’s pretty much gone? Or is it?! Nobody knows! Well, we found someone who does know. Supposedly. That’s right, we’re back with a third installment of Super Stumpers, with the person who, depending on who you votedContinue reading “Dr. Anthony Fauci SUPER STUMPERS Part 3”

I moved out of NYC a few years ago and found out that people in other parts of the country use “Aw rats” to express minor disappointment. This was pretty shocking for me, for a few reasons. Firstly, when have rats ever been a minor disappointment?  There aren’t that many situations that I could evenContinue reading “Rats, Bugs, Hell City”

So, I’ve been light on work since the pandemic started and am looking for new revenue streams. I’ve heard all about these people who are blowing up on YouTube over their music reaction videos, where they tape themselves listening to a song for the first time. These people are getting hundreds of thousands of hitsContinue reading ““A Total Veggiehead Reacts to Skirt Steak: First Bite” and other reaction videos from my new YouTube channel”

As you may know, we at the CDC recently issued new guidelines that vaccinated individuals can resume normal activities. This has guidance has led to a lot of businesses, including offices, resuming normal in-person operations. Many Americans have not been to an office in over a year, and this can be a major adjustment. TheContinue reading “CDC Guidance for Returning to the Office”

The day has changed and so have the rules. The wildly successful Dr. Anthony Fauci Super Stumpers is back to provide new guidance on your toughest Covid related questions. Dr. Fauci is here now to field your stumpiest stumpers! Q: I’ve been hearing all about blood clods caused by the Johnson & Johnson vaccine. IsContinue reading “Dr. Anthony Fauci SUPER STUMPERS Part 2”

Hello Wilson High School, the future of Tacoma, and welcome to Career Day 2021! I am your first Career Day speaker, Mr. Larry Johnson, and I’m here to talk to you about your exciting future. I know that most of you don’t know and aren’t even concerned about what you’ll be doing when you graduate.Continue reading “Postmodern Career Day”

Being stuck at home on quarantine, I haven’t been able to hang out with friends or go to my usual bar. Luckily, the bar set up one of those at home tastings, where they send you five little samples of scotch to try and write down your notes. Here are my notes from the tasting.Continue reading “A Quarantine Home Whiskey Tasting”

Covid, you have shaped our lives, nay, our world, for these past thirtyfour nights. Thirty fortnights I mean, damnit! Covid, you have shaped our world for these past thirty fortnights. Man, woman and child-person all tremble in fear of you. You make us wear masks, but yet you reveal so much about us. Our fears,Continue reading “A Moron Philosopher Espouses on Covid”