Category Archives: Short Pieces

Hello people of Mississippi. It’s me, your governor, Tate Reeves. I called this press conference to discuss a very important matter, the role of government. Now, it has come to my attention that many of you think that the roles of government include establishing and enforcing the rules of law. Some of you may callContinue reading “The Government of Mississippi Is Getting Out of the Business of Telling People What They Can and Cannot Do… and Into the Business of Taffy Making!”

The COVID-19 pandemic has been unlike anything that any of us have seen in our lives. There’s the obvious things: the deaths, the long-haulers who have been sick for months, those who have lost their jobs and businesses in the name of public safety, and the countless others who have had their lives ruined byContinue reading “It’s Been 12 Months, Can We Please Go Back to Not Wearing Masks and Only Pretending to Wash Our Hands in the Bathroom?”

It’s hard to know what you can trust anymore. There’s the news, but now there’s also the fake news. The same thing can happen and, depending on which TV channel or homeless person you get your news from, you’ll get a different version. When I was a boy, there was only one channel; its nameContinue reading “I, a Senile Old Man, Yearn for the Simpler Times of My Horrible and Confusing Childhood”

“Wake up son, it’s time for space camp,” says your dad. “Are we rich now?” you ask. “No,” he says, “we’ve always been rich, we are old money. We’ve just kept it a secret until now. Now come downstairs and eat your pizza rolls.” You have so many questions. Is space camp going to beContinue reading “Living the Dream (1990)”

Dear Anarchists, For the last 31 years, I, Charles Fitzpatrick, have been known to all by the name “Chaz”. It is on my marriage certificate, my diploma, hell I even somehow got them to put it on my CPA license. Some people probably think it’s my birth name by now. In fact, I can’t rememberContinue reading “I, Charles “Chaz” Fitzpatrick, Request You Change the Name of Your Autonomous Zone”