People are always telling you to be a good citizen. They always say that you should pay your taxes and vote and check the expiration date of your milk when you buy it. But what they don’t tell you about is howler monkeys. Did you know that howler monkeys are the largest New World monkeys? No, of course not. I bet you know the things they want you to know, like who was the first president and the way to the closest hospital. None of that will help you when a golden-mantled howler is at your door, asking you what the loudest land animal is. Then, when you say “I don’t know”, it howls “I AM!” in monkey screams. You see, if there’s anything howler monkeys like more than howling it’s poetic justice. And bananas. That, my friends, is why I’m homeschooling my children at the zoo.