Category Archives: Short Pieces

Have you recently been promoted to middle management? Do you feel unqualified for the position? Are you suffering from Imposter Syndrome? Well, you can fake it till you make it, or you can fast track yourself to success with our new Instant Middle Manager Starter Kit! It comes with everything you need to look likeContinue reading “Why Fake it Till You Make it? Try the Instant Middle Management Starter Kit!”

There’s a famous story that Ernest Hemingway won a bet claiming that he could write a six-word story, when he penned “For sale: baby shoes, never worn”. I once won a similar bet, except my story was a comedy: “For sale: clown shoes, worn once”.

I have always thought myself to be a modern, educated and level-headed person. I am liberal and have surrounded myself with like-minded people to make sure my family has the right influences. I am a firm believer in science, especially medical science. When Covid hit, I was as scared as anyone. We locked down andContinue reading “Help! My Toddler is an Anti-Vaxxer!”

Help Me Harriet! is a weekly advice column where Harriet respond to your questions about life, love and whatever is on your mind. This week’s reader is stuck on a high-priced lease with the roommate from hell and needs a way out… and fast! Dear Harriet, I’m a 32 year old heterosexual woman. I recentlyContinue reading “Help Me Harriet! My Freeloading, Soul-Eating Demon of a Roommate Has Got to Go”

The following is an excerpt from the Annual Board Meeting at the Hormel Foods Corporation Hello, fellow executives of the Hormel Foods Corporation. I’d like to congratulate you all on a record setting year! Very well founded fears of the apocalypse have really increased demand for our portfolio of shelf stable canned foods, and we have beenContinue reading “We at Hormel Foods Corp. Do Not Understand Why People Suddenly Hate SPAM”

My name is Michael Ellis. You may not have heard of me, but I was cryogenically frozen in the year 1971. I worked for CryoCorp back then, and I volunteered to be a participant in their cryogenic test program. I was thrilled at the idea of helping advance a technology that could preserve human life. I enteredContinue reading “I Was Just Unfrozen From My 50 Year Cryogenic Sleep and I Am Extremely Disappointed”

I fully understand the history of slavery and black people in the United States. I can see the blight of police brutality and racial oppression that goes on to this day in America. I have no doubt that your current justice system is just a continuation of slavery, under the guise of law and order.Continue reading “I Understand Why You Are So Upset, but the Real Victim of These Anti-Racism Protests Is Me, Zomgor: the Eater of Souls”

People are always telling you to be a good citizen. They always say that you should pay your taxes and vote and check the expiration date of your milk when you buy it. But what they don’t tell you about is howler monkeys. Did you know that howler monkeys are the largest New World monkeys?Continue reading “Project TRUTH”

So what’s up with Covid? First it’s not a big deal, then it’s really big deal, and now it’s pretty much gone? Or is it?! Nobody knows! Well, we found someone who does know. Supposedly. That’s right, we’re back with a third installment of Super Stumpers, with the person who, depending on who you votedContinue reading “Dr. Anthony Fauci SUPER STUMPERS Part 3”

I moved out of NYC a few years ago and found out that people in other parts of the country use “Aw rats” to express minor disappointment. This was pretty shocking for me, for a few reasons. Firstly, when have rats ever been a minor disappointment?  There aren’t that many situations that I could evenContinue reading “Rats, Bugs, Hell City”