Defund Sting and The Police

It may sound extreme to some, but the excessive, brutal and militarized police have lost sight of their mission. The police should be here to help our communities thrive and should be deescalating issues, however countless high profile incidents have shown us that the opposite is happening. Things are getting worse every day, and theContinue reading “Defund Sting and The Police”

Ok, Our Vaccines May Not Be the Safest, but You Can Still Trust Our Baby Shampoo

I am here to address the recent reports that upwards of 50 million doses of the Johnson & Johnson Covid-19 vaccine sit unused. I’ve heard that this is due to negative views of our vaccine, caused by a minor issue where we had to throw away 60 million doses of our vaccine that were possiblyContinue reading “Ok, Our Vaccines May Not Be the Safest, but You Can Still Trust Our Baby Shampoo”

A Recently Discovered Early Draft of Spiderman

The following is an excerpt of a recently discovered first draft of Spiderman. Dating back to the early 40s, this draft shows a drastically different initial vision of the character. While lacking the polish of the finished product, this draft shows a critical step in the creative process and development of Spiderman. It was likeContinue reading “A Recently Discovered Early Draft of Spiderman”

Selected Excerpts from Karl Marx’s Notes on Homeschooling His Children

September 3rd Today Jenny struck Eleanor in the head with a book. I am fairly certain that this is rooted in the fact that Eleanor gets an equal share of the family economic output despite producing less labor. I explained to Jenny that the source of her frustration is actually her own economic oppression, atContinue reading “Selected Excerpts from Karl Marx’s Notes on Homeschooling His Children”

Why Fake it Till You Make it? Try the Instant Middle Management Starter Kit!

Have you recently been promoted to middle management? Do you feel unqualified for the position? Are you suffering from Imposter Syndrome? Well, you can fake it till you make it, or you can fast track yourself to success with our new Instant Middle Manager Starter Kit! It comes with everything you need to look likeContinue reading “Why Fake it Till You Make it? Try the Instant Middle Management Starter Kit!”

Help! My Toddler is an Anti-Vaxxer!

I have always thought myself to be a modern, educated and level-headed person. I am liberal and have surrounded myself with like-minded people to make sure my family has the right influences. I am a firm believer in science, especially medical science. When Covid hit, I was as scared as anyone. We locked down andContinue reading “Help! My Toddler is an Anti-Vaxxer!”

Help Me Harriet! My Freeloading, Soul-Eating Demon of a Roommate Has Got to Go

Help Me Harriet! is a weekly advice column where Harriet respond to your questions about life, love and whatever is on your mind. This week’s reader is stuck on a high-priced lease with the roommate from hell and needs a way out… and fast! Dear Harriet, I’m a 32 year old heterosexual woman. I recentlyContinue reading “Help Me Harriet! My Freeloading, Soul-Eating Demon of a Roommate Has Got to Go”

We at Hormel Foods Corp. Do Not Understand Why People Suddenly Hate SPAM

The following is an excerpt from the Annual Board Meeting at the Hormel Foods Corporation Hello, fellow executives of the Hormel Foods Corporation. I’d like to congratulate you all on a record setting year! Very well founded fears of the apocalypse have really increased demand for our portfolio of shelf stable canned foods, and we have beenContinue reading “We at Hormel Foods Corp. Do Not Understand Why People Suddenly Hate SPAM”