A Moron Philosopher Espouses on Covid

Covid, you have shaped our lives, nay, our world, for these past thirtyfour nights. Thirty fortnights I mean, damnit! Covid, you have shaped our world for these past thirty fortnights. Man, woman and child-person all tremble in fear of you. You make us wear masks, but yet you reveal so much about us. Our fears,Continue reading “A Moron Philosopher Espouses on Covid”

A Brief History of Phrases

Everyone always says “that’s not my cup of tea” to describe something they don’t enjoy, but most people don’t know there’s an interesting story behind that phrase. Back in 1705, Queen Anne was hosting high tea. She put down her cup of tea and left the room to use the chamber pot. When she returned, she pickedContinue reading “A Brief History of Phrases”

Dr. Anthony Fauci SUPER STUMPERS

With some vagaries in the recently published CDC guidance, many questions have arisen regarding health decisions of Americans who have received the Covid-19 vaccine. While many of these questions are fairly routine, we’ve assembled some of the toughest questions for a special “Super Stumpers” Q&A session with America’s favorite doctor: Dr. Anthony Fauci. Q: I’veContinue reading “Dr. Anthony Fauci SUPER STUMPERS”

The Government of Mississippi Is Getting Out of the Business of Telling People What They Can and Cannot Do… and Into the Business of Taffy Making!

Hello people of Mississippi. It’s me, your governor, Tate Reeves. I called this press conference to discuss a very important matter, the role of government. Now, it has come to my attention that many of you think that the roles of government include establishing and enforcing the rules of law. Some of you may callContinue reading “The Government of Mississippi Is Getting Out of the Business of Telling People What They Can and Cannot Do… and Into the Business of Taffy Making!”

It’s Been 12 Months, Can We Please Go Back to Not Wearing Masks and Only Pretending to Wash Our Hands in the Bathroom?

The COVID-19 pandemic has been unlike anything that any of us have seen in our lives. There’s the obvious things: the deaths, the long-haulers who have been sick for months, those who have lost their jobs and businesses in the name of public safety, and the countless others who have had their lives ruined byContinue reading “It’s Been 12 Months, Can We Please Go Back to Not Wearing Masks and Only Pretending to Wash Our Hands in the Bathroom?”

I, a Senile Old Man, Yearn for the Simpler Times of My Horrible and Confusing Childhood

It’s hard to know what you can trust anymore. There’s the news, but now there’s also the fake news. The same thing can happen and, depending on which TV channel or homeless person you get your news from, you’ll get a different version. When I was a boy, there was only one channel; its nameContinue reading “I, a Senile Old Man, Yearn for the Simpler Times of My Horrible and Confusing Childhood”

I, Charles “Chaz” Fitzpatrick, Request You Change the Name of Your Autonomous Zone

Dear Anarchists, For the last 31 years, I, Charles Fitzpatrick, have been known to all by the name “Chaz”. It is on my marriage certificate, my diploma, hell I even somehow got them to put it on my CPA license. Some people probably think it’s my birth name by now. In fact, I can’t rememberContinue reading “I, Charles “Chaz” Fitzpatrick, Request You Change the Name of Your Autonomous Zone”