“Wake up son, it’s time for space camp,” says your dad. “Are we rich now?” you ask. “No,” he says, “we’ve always been rich, we are old money. We’ve just kept it a secret until now. Now come downstairs and eat your pizza rolls.”
You have so many questions. Is space camp going to be hard? Will your teachers care that you are going to miss a week of school for space camp? Is your little brother coming to space camp? The answer to all of these questions is no.
You pack up your bags and hop on the bus to space camp. You are the oldest kid on the bus. Also you are driving the bus.
You get to space camp and you are greeted by the head counselor. “Put your pizza rolls in your cubbies and let’s get to work.” Space camp is totally awesome. All of the other kids are really nice and none of them have the same name as you. They have all sorts of space training activities, like eating astronaut ice cream and going on the ride where you spin around really fast and it feels like you are in space. At night you take the bus home and tell your mom and dad and little brother all about space camp. Your little brother is so jealous that he is crying. “This is why we didn’t send you to space camp,” your dad says.
The next day, at space camp, you realize that the head counselor looks a lot like Bill Parcels. That’s because he is Bill Parcels! “Space camp is a great place to find new football stars for the New York Giants,” he says. “Kid, you’ve got the goods.” They sign you to a rookie contract worth $1,000. “Wow, we aren’t just rich now, we are super rich,” says your Mom. She’s so happy that she’s crying. Everybody is crying but you.
Everyone on the New York Giants is really nice, especially Lawrence Taylor who is your new best friend. Your position is defense, which is pretty cool, but you want to play offense so you can score some touchdowns. Phil Simms gets to throw all of the touchdowns and get all of the glory. You and your new best friend, LT, are sick of him hogging the ball so much, so one day after the game you team up and give him a double wedgie. It turns out LT is so strong that it breaks Phil Simms’ butt and he can’t play football anymore. “Looks like you are the new quarterback of the New York Giants,” Bill Parcels says. You go to sleep to get some rest before the Super Bowl.
“Wake up son, it’s time for school,” says your dad. “Come downstairs and eat your pizza rolls.” Looks like it was all a dream. A wonderful, wonderful dream.
P.S. the end is a surprise twist because you aren’t allowed to eat pizza rolls and also you don’t have a dad.
A Man Eating Chicken 