Try Zop: The First Tele-bris Service!

With all of these travel restrictions, more and more events are offering a remote Zoom option. There are so many different types of remote events these days with unique needs. Zoom just isn’t working for everything anymore. That is why we have developed Zop, the Zoom alternative for your next bris!

If you’ve attended a Zoom bris, you’ve probably experienced many of the issues with using a “one size fits all” teleconferencing service. For starters, everyone is late, often including the mohel. In testing, Zop tried several strategies, including sending automated meeting reminders, logging people in automatically five minutes before it started and even automatically changing all invitations to say a start time that is 30 minutes early. Our research showed that you can’t convince the late comers to be on time, they will always be late. You need to actually simulate a lateness response to get them to show up. Through our testing we found a strategy that worked: a CGI video of the bris starting 20 minutes before the actual start time played over the Zop feed.

One issue with a Zoom bris is making and keeping a minyan of 13 Jewish men. People may RSVP and then not attend, or attend and then drop out mid-call. Well, we at Zop have developed minyan bots. They are kind of like chat bots, but with realistic human avatars and programmed to act like Jewish men. They have realistic kvetching and can (and will) provide unsolicited advice that they are unqualified to give, even to the mohel.

With a new baby in the house, things may be a little messy in the background. A new parent doesn’t have time to clean up for the big event. Sure, Zoom offers some nice fake backgrounds, but none of them are really “bris-friendly”. We at Zop have developed some perfect backgrounds for your bris, including “The Wailing Wall”, “Edward Scissorhands” and “Mortified Mordechai” (Zop’s squeamish but lovable mascot).

Zoom is owned by an evil goyishe corporation, while Zop is owned by real mohels! That is why our board meetings are one month long, to allow all members the opportunity to say their long-winded spiels. Zoom spends tens of thousands of dollars hosting their board meeting at a five star resort. The chairman of Zop’s board himself argued with the cashier over the price of the pastrami sandwiches for Zop’s board meeting. That just screams “fiscal responsibility”. 

So put yourself and your family at ease. Go with the tele-bris service that has an average review of two and half stars. If you know our crowd, then you know that’s actually really good! Try out Zop, it’s really “taking off”!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: