If you have come to this website, you likely have been exposed to Covid-19. That shit is everywhere these days. The State of Insanity Public Health Department has put together the following guidance for next steps based on your exposure, vaccination status and other important factors. You were exposed to an individual who tested positiveContinue reading “The Latest Quarantine Guidance from the State of Insanity Public Health Department”
Author Archives: Eric Sporer
Top 10 Rejected Crayola Crayon Colors
10- Is it yellow? 9- Capital Riot White 8- Whatever Green 7- Olde English Amber 6- Fuckshia 5- Black as your sad, lonely heart 4- Burning Orphanage Red 3- Clear 2- Hitler Orange 1- Bluish-Red (it’s just purple)
A Very, Very, Very Short Story
There’s a famous story that Ernest Hemingway won a bet claiming that he could write a six-word story, when he penned “For sale: baby shoes, never worn”. I once won a similar bet, except my story was a comedy: “For sale: clown shoes, worn once”.
Mars, Inc Workshopping “TWIX”
Flark Stricks Brix Brdzkdx Twigz The Stix ChocoStix “Delicious” Choco-Stix Tricks Who farted? Thwicks Twicks Twix
Help! My Toddler is an Anti-Vaxxer!
I have always thought myself to be a modern, educated and level-headed person. I am liberal and have surrounded myself with like-minded people to make sure my family has the right influences. I am a firm believer in science, especially medical science. When Covid hit, I was as scared as anyone. We locked down andContinue reading “Help! My Toddler is an Anti-Vaxxer!”
The Birds and the Bees (the Real Version)
Top 10 Worst Things About Being a Bee
10- Have to risk being swatted to get to humans’ delicious sugary drinks 9- Slowly going extinct for no god damn reason 8- Having a pollen allergy can be fatal 7- When people try to take your honey so you sting them and then you die 6- That constant buzzing gets pretty annoying 5- People alwaysContinue reading “Top 10 Worst Things About Being a Bee”
The NRA Workshopping “The Only Thing That Stops a Bad Guy with a Gun is a Good Guy with a Gun”
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is running out of bullets The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is Batman The only thing that stops you from having fun is not having a gun There are no heroes and villains in the real world The onlyContinue reading “The NRA Workshopping “The Only Thing That Stops a Bad Guy with a Gun is a Good Guy with a Gun””
Top 10 Things You WON’T Want to Eat Out Of the Garbage (#7 is a total game changer)
10- Bottle cap (yuck!) 9- Dirty diaper (no thank you!) 8- Coffee filter (lol!) 7- Melon rind (as if!) 6- Candy wrapper (I’ll pass!) 5- Toe nail clippings (double yuck!) 4- Cardboard box (please recycle!) 3- Skinny jeans (so last decade!) 2- Anti-vax pamphlet (not cool Uncle Joe!) 1- Dog shit (lol SUPERyuck!)
Help Me Harriet! My Freeloading, Soul-Eating Demon of a Roommate Has Got to Go
Help Me Harriet! is a weekly advice column where Harriet respond to your questions about life, love and whatever is on your mind. This week’s reader is stuck on a high-priced lease with the roommate from hell and needs a way out… and fast! Dear Harriet, I’m a 32 year old heterosexual woman. I recentlyContinue reading “Help Me Harriet! My Freeloading, Soul-Eating Demon of a Roommate Has Got to Go”
A Man Eating Chicken 