Hello Mr. or Mrs. Hitler. As a Hitler, I’m sure you have experienced shame and social stigma around your last name. Many Hitlers have become recluses, avoiding all social contact. Well, suffer no more! With our handy dandy users guide to your last name, you will be proud of your name (not too proud, though). Here are some time tested strategies to coping with being a Hitler.
Pronounce it funny: Try saying it like “Heat-lair” or “Height-lear” or something like that.
Point out that your first name isn’t Adolph: Unless it is. If it is, then oh man….
Tell people you won’t be name shamed: I mean, you are naturally ashamed of it, but, you know, just lie to them.
Go on the offensive: Be ready to fire back! Is the person you are meeting perhaps a “Dahmer” or a “Jung Un”? If so, who are they to cast the first stone?
Call in the big guns: Did you know that Hitlers are a legally protected class? Well they aren’t, but it sounds legit, right? Try some vaguely threatening legalese. Nobody wants to be sued, or even worse “Ich Auch’ed”.
Give yourself a cool nickname: Something like “H-Dawg” or “Not Hitler”
Get philosophical: Point out that a name doesn’t really mean anything. A rose would be beautiful if it had any name, even if it were Shitweed or Nazi-Monster
Put up some boundaries: Let everyone know that judging you by your name is verboden and nicht sehr gut.
Laugh it off: Don’t laugh like it’s funny, though. And definitely not a maniacal laughter. Just try a chuckle; a sad, sad chuckle.
A Man Eating Chicken 