Now children, the recent nuclear apocalypse has been life changing. Sure there’s been some downsides to it, but it hasn’t been all terrible. To put it all into perspective I’ve put together a pros and cons list.
Pro: Being trapped in the fallout shelter has brought this family closer together
Con: We can never leave the shelter and will likely die here
Pro: I never have to go back to that job that I hate
Con: I wish I had put some food other than canned wax beans in the shelter
Pro: Little Billy, the boy who used to bully you at school was irradiated by the Doomsday Device and may have been killed
Con: He also may have mutated to have superhuman strength and should we survive this he will be your mutant tormentor
Pro: The nuclear radiation you were exposed to may have given you superhuman strength to protect yourself from him
Con: It is much more likely that it will just give you radiation sickness and possibly cancer
Pro: We were the ones who set off the Doomsday Device and not those damned Russians
Con: We set it off by accident, whoops!
Pro: In thousands of years, the world will be at peace, with new life and societies forming which hopefully will not recreate the harm that we caused to this planet, including this man-made nuclear apocalypse
Con: The nuclear winter has completely blocked the sun and the world will be completely devoid of life in a matter of weeks
Pro: We still have each other
Con: Soon we will have to eat one of you
Pro: We all got to witness the end of human society which is pretty exciting
Con: We’ll have to cancel our trip to Disney Land because it is now closed since it is exactly where the Doomsday Device was set off
Pro: Little Sally, looks like you were right that the Patriots won’t win the Super Bowl this year.
Well I tallied the results and it looks like we’ve got 10 pros and 9 cons. It looks like pros is the winner! Everything is all about perspective, and if you look at it in just the right light, the nuclear apocalypse was really a good thing. Now let’s all sit down for a meal of delicious wax beans.
A Man Eating Chicken 