10- Tony Gwynn pulls every muscle in his body trying to get a Cheeto from under his couch
9- The Philly Phanatic has sex with the devil, giving birth to Flyers mascot Gritty
8- First baseman Larry Met gets hit in the head with line drive, nuclear radiation, simultaneously
7- In a case of mistaken identity, the Oakland Athletics sign a trout named Mike to a $400M contract. He dies shortly thereafter because he’s a fish
6- Nolan Ryan accidentally throws seven no hitters all while trying to figure out how to program microwave
5- Mass casualties ensue after a Prince Fielder doesn’t understand the costume aspect of the Milwaukee Brewers sausage race
4- Nationals third base coach accidentally flashes sign for “throw every game” instead of “bunt”
3- “Ed” the movie
2- Condom breaks, John Rocker is conceived
1- Wade Boggs passes out shitfaced drunk on a cross-country flight and wakes up convinced he is a Hall of Fame third baseman
A Man Eating Chicken 