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We Are the Meek and, No Thanks, We Don’t Want to Inherit the Earth

Hello, I am Terry “Pizza Face” Jones, and I have been nominated to be the spokesman for the meek. You know: the docile, the submissive, the wedgied masses. For thousands of years we have been told that we will someday inherit the Earth. We were recently alerted that the day has finally come and weContinue reading “We Are the Meek and, No Thanks, We Don’t Want to Inherit the Earth”

Guns Don’t Kill People, the Boundary Conditions of the Universe Kill People

Inevitably, after every mass shooting in America there’s the same public outcry: it’s time to ban guns. To those who say that, I respond: the gun didn’t shoot itself. There are many out there who agree with this sentiment, and many of them say that it’s an issue of training responsible gun owners and dealingContinue reading “Guns Don’t Kill People, the Boundary Conditions of the Universe Kill People”

A Real Life Book

Today is the official release of A Man Eating Chicken the book! It’s a collection of writings and comics, including newly published works and pieces from the website. It’s exclusively available here. You can buy it and then throw your computer in the garbage! Wouldn’t that feel great? Take that technology, books4eva! Hope you aren’tContinue reading “A Real Life Book”

Sorry, I Won’t Be Attending Your Zoom Vow Renewal Because of Some Kind of Disorder I Have

Hello Carly, I received the invite to your vow renewal with your husband, Todd. I know this is a big deal to you; you’ve been married for two long years and you want to show Todd that you still love him after all this time. I mean, why wouldn’t you? It’s only been two years. Anyway,Continue reading “Sorry, I Won’t Be Attending Your Zoom Vow Renewal Because of Some Kind of Disorder I Have”

The Merriam-Webster Word of the Year for 2021 is a Defeated Sigh

Every year, our panel of experts at Merriam-Webster discuss candidates for word of the year and choose a winner that is judged to reflect the ethos, mood, or preoccupations of that particular year and to have lasting potential as a word of cultural significance. This word should be common and well known, a term thatContinue reading “The Merriam-Webster Word of the Year for 2021 is a Defeated Sigh”

Covid Subway Etiquitte

With Covid seeming like a permanent problem, the MTA has updated it’s guide for subway etiquette for Covid times. You may be surprised that there was existing subway etiquette to update. Well, there is subway etiquette. It’s a subtle but complicated dance, like the kind that two rats do while fighting over food scraps. HereContinue reading “Covid Subway Etiquitte”

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