Worst of Craigslist Missed Connections
You would have gotten me to work on time m4t I slept in and got to Grand Central at 9:37. You left at 9:30. You were a little old, honestly a little dirty, but I needed you in my life. If you are reading this, reply with your final stop so I know it’s you.…
Top 10 Things to Do if You Find a Rat in Your Toilet
10- Befriend the toilet rat, only to ultimately betray it 9- Put a cat in the toilet 8- Burn the house down 7- It’s the rat’s house now. Move into the sewer that the rat vacated 6- If there’s a rat in the toilet, then what’s in the rat trap? Sorry, another rat! 5- Ask…
Workshopping “You gotta break some eggs if you wanna make an omelet”
You gotta drink some kegs if you wanna break some eggs You gotta break some legs if you wanna be in the mob When life gives you eggs, make egg juice If there is any eggshell in my omelet I am going to be extremely disappointed An egg is an omelet waiting to happen What…
Top 10 Alternative Names for the Scientifically Resurrected Dire Wolf Twins
10- Wolfie and Knick-knack 9-Stinky and Abomination 8- Test Tube Jr. and Armando 7- Romulus and I’m With Romulus 6- Thelma and Louise 5- The Barky Boyz 4- Good Boy and The Sneak 3- CUG AAG GGG and CUG AAG GGG 2- Bitey and Also Bitey 1- Cardinal Richelieu and his right hand man François Leclerc…
Workshopping “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”
Help! Bird ambush! Four birds are worth an ungodly sum of money The early bird gets the bush (not sexual) Birds should be left in the bushes where they belong A bird in the hand tickles the palm George Bush doesn’t care about blackbirds The early bird gets the bush (sexual) How many birds do…
Top 10 Scary Adult Halloween Costumes
10- Political conversation seeker 9- Thing you forgot that might be important 8- Your own children 7- Slimy salad greens 6- A bat with a gun 5- Hot dog made out of hamburger 4- The ghost of the former mayor of NYC: Rudolph Ghouliani 3- Gas price sign 2- Spooky pangolin 1- Unstoppable passage of…
Modern Life: a Dystopian Board Game
The game of Life has become less popular recently, as its portrayal of life isn’t really accurate anymore. Hasbro has responded to this by making a new version of the game called “Modern Life”. The new version of the game has the following updates that better reflect the state of life today: In Life, student…
Can of Bees!
You asked for it, so we made it: Can of Bees! That’s right, it’s bees in a can! All the fun of bees, in a shelf-stable, recyclable, easy to open, good ol’ American can! We’ve been receiving a ton of questions about Can of Bees since we released it on the market, so we put…
So Your Last Name is Hitler: Tips and Strategies for Navigating Introductions and Other Awkward Situations
Hello Mr. or Mrs. Hitler. As a Hitler, I’m sure you have experienced shame and social stigma around your last name. Many Hitlers have become recluses, avoiding all social contact. Well, suffer no more! With our handy dandy users guide to your last name, you will be proud of your name (not too proud, though).…
“Oh, So Now You Guys Care About Balloons?” An Op-Ed by the Snoopy Balloon
Hey guys, it’s me, the Snoopy balloon from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. You know, the national treasure? The guy who’s been the symbol of national unity on one of our most special holidays for the past 56 years? I hope you remember me, after all, it’s been a couple of months since Thanksgiving. Usually…
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A Man Eating Chicken 