Kim Raisner’s Pros and Cons List for Punching the Horse at the Olympics

Pro: It will definitely teach the horse a lesson

Con: Animal abuse is generally frowned upon

Pro: All press is good press

Con: The horse didn’t ask for any of this, including being ridden at all

Pro: It’ll really get some of my aggression out

Con: The horse is bigger than me and may already be plotting revenge

Pro: What could possibly go wrong?

Con: I won’t get to hear the horse’s side of things first, unless the horse is related to Mr. Ed

Pro: People generally give Germans the benefit of the doubt when it comes to violence

Con: The last time I was punched in the middle of an internationally televised event it made me pretty sad

Pro: I’ve wanted to punch a horse at the Olympics ever since I was a little girl

Con: I’ve already been warned about this several times

Pro: Maybe this will finally reignite the longstanding public debate over whether it is ok for a grown woman to beat the shit out of a horse for not jumping over a stick

Con: Human-Horse boxing is not an official IOC sanctioned event… yet

Pro: I know it’s the Olympics, but maybe nobody will be watching?

Con: I’m under the impression that pummel horse is already a gymnastics event, so I shouldn’t steal their thunder

Pro: What could possibly go wrong?

Con: I know that, deep down, I’m only doing this because a horse punched me as a child and this is just perpetuating that cycle of horse-person violence

Pro: What could possibly go wrong?

10-9, the Pros win!

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