10- Is able to speak, but is in the middle of a longstanding monastic vow of silence
9- Has permanent debilitating neck pain due to his giant baseball head
8- Only maintains his relationship with Mrs. Met for the sake of their three baseball-headed children
7- Contains the soul of another man deep within
6- Is constantly horrified as he watches the Mets hit tiny effigies of his head every home game
5- Mother was a human, father was a baseball, conception was awkward
4- Does not have a giant head, but comes from a long line of giants with proportional baseball heads and has a genetic deformity that gave him a relatively tiny body
3- Citi Field was built around him because they can’t fit his head through the gates
2- Is a member of the Flushing Crips
1- Was introduced in 1963 to make former Met Gil Hodges feel better about his big head, but backfired when Hodges took it as an insult and immediately retired
A Man Eating Chicken 